I have fallen into the pit of despair and am encompassed by the lions of Nihilism. May the God of Daniel rescue me. My soul is weary with torment and my prayer is as faint as the shadow of light at the distant mouth of this hell.
All weekend I’ve wished I could tell her how apathetic I feel without her in my arms. It has been a year since we climbed the golden mountain together, a long year since a multitude of butterflies graced her presence at the summit. Now apathy darkens my vision and I have lost my appetite. I can scarcely crawl out of bed without the promise of her embrace.
I am afraid to email her only to fail a second time; for my strength, if anything has become weaker, and I still don’t know how to save us. I need the help of a Community and a Church, but I’ve been atomized and scattered. Too many sermons are preached from the pulpit of hypocrisy. Too much pompous vanity for my taste, but as they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans.
The scale of the Pyramid which opposes me is daunting indeed. Alas, I am an enigma unto myself, spellbound by the riddle of the Sphinx and so make myself to feel as a quantite negligeable. I pray thee, Christ, to demonstrate that I am a pearl of great cost in your eyes; help me dig up the real treasure from the field within so I am not pulverized into a fine dust by this mass of bricks and mortar. Show me that I amount more than the chaff to be blown away by the heartless winds.
Maybe then, I could have the strength to love her, rather than wallow in this self pity; love her to the degree commensurate of her beautiful soul. My soul cries after thee, and pants for refreshment in this drought of love, like the Song of the Aisors.
“wondering what we can do to get it back, to how it used to be, when it was you and me.” Vanda/ Nelson.
Save me before I am devoured by these ferocious beasts!
- Rubens, Peter Paul, Sir, Flemish, 1577 – 1640
- Daniel in the Lions’ Den
- c. 1614/1616
- oil on canvas
- framed: 268 x 374.7 x 15.2 cm (105 1/2 x 147 1/2 x 6 in.)overall: 224.2 x 330.5 cm (88 1/4 x 130 1/8 in.)
- Ailsa Mellon Bruce Fund
- On View